I'm having trouble lately. The pain is back. Now that I have escaped the numbness, here is the pain. I'm doubting myself, I'm doubting everything. I haven't hurt myself in a while and now the thought of it tastes sweet. Why must I always choose between numbness and pain? Why is it the pleasure lies only in pain and the numbness the antihero of the two? I hate that I hurt. I hate more that I love to hurt. Pain drives me, pushes me. Makes me bleed (If not literally). So which is worse, the numbness of the pain? To be devoid of pain and feel nothing or to be in pain and feel everything? Where is the happy medium. Where is the pleasure in everything and nothing? Which will make you bleed faster?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
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